At some point during our life, grief is inevitable.  It is a part of the human experience.  But it is also isolating, and often leaves the bereaved feeling lonely and detached from those around them.

Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house grief counselor, Amanda Nelsen:
So what do you do when someone you love is grieving?  It can be hard to know how to help, what to say, or what to do.  Below are some things that a grieving person would like you to know.

Some might find solace in frequently visiting the gravesite, while others may never want to return to the gravesite again.  Both are normal and healthy ways to grieve.  Some may cry openly and some prefer to cry in private.  Figuring out how you prefer to grieve is part of the process.  Let your loved one know you are there to support them in how they choose to grieve.

Living with grief is, in some ways, much like living a dual life.  You learn how to be sad and be happy at the same time.  You learn how to go forward with new memories, but still need to fiercely protect the past memories.  Even the most joyous occasions will always have sadness in them.  That is life with grief, and often that doesn’t change with time.

Especially with an unexpected or particularly tragic death, we often don’t know what to say to the bereaved.  We feel that no matter what we say, it won’t be right or comforting – so we say nothing.  A grieving person wants to hear that you are thinking about them and you remember their loved one.  They know you can’t fix it, but they need to know you care.

It’s sometimes nice to think about grief as an experience that follows the five stages and then there is resolution.  But that’s not how grief works in real life.  Grief feels more like being tossed over a waterfall into a deep pool of mixed emotions.  Sometimes you might feel all the emotions and then feel numb.  There isn’t a linear way to work through grief, and the bereaved often bounce back and forth between a myriad of emotions (including positive ones). It’s frustrating when loved ones expect you to grieve according the “stages” and wonder why you might be “stuck.”

And, when all else fails, ask your loved one what support they need and how you can be there for them.  They will appreciate knowing you are there for them.

Amanda is a Clinical Mental Health Counselor, specializing in individual and family therapy for people of varying backgrounds. She works for Memorial Estates, running their Grief & Loss Counseling program.

She has extensive experience working with adolescents and families in the community. Amanda received her Master’s Degree in Educational Psychology from the University of Utah. There she focused on Multicultural and Client Centered Counseling.

Amanda started her career working for Salt Lake County Youth Services, serving families from all backgrounds and with a wide variety of issues. She further developed her passion for helping people recover and heal from trauma and loss.

In counseling, Amanda values the trust and safety of the therapeutic relationship. She creates a counseling environment full of compassion, safety, empathy, and understanding. She constantly strives to help to cultivate strong relationships and assist families to cope with the loss of a loved one. Through her open attitude, and the warm environment that she facilitates, families can begin to feel peace as they work through their bereavement.

Memorial Utah, with the help of Amanda Nelsen, is committed to helping you through the loss of your loved one. You may contact Amanda at (801) 718-1520 or [email protected]

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