Grief During the Holidays
Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house grief counselor, Amanda Nelsen:
This time of year is often laden with holiday memories. Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Year’s, Kwanzaa…it seems most people celebrate some event with this families this time of year. Often, it’s a time we look forward to. But when you have lost a loved one, the approaching holidays may fill you with sadness and dread.
There are many common concerns that occur when we’ve had a loved one die, such as:
- I am afraid I will break down and cry in front of everyone.
- I don’t want to celebrate the holidays at all since my loved one won’t be here.
- Do I start new traditions or carry on the old ones?
- What if people think I shouldn’t be having fun yet?
- Or what if people want me to attend things I just won’t enjoy?
Identifying your specific concerns can help you come up with a plan for dealing with the situations you will be facing.
One of the first pieces of advice I would give you is to give yourself permission to put your needs and yourself above the social obligations you have participated in in the past.
This may mean that you decide you want to celebrate the holiday differently than you have before (or conversely, you may want to keep it exactly the same). You may make back-up plans if the day/event rolls around and you don’t feel up to your original plans.
Secondly, set realistic expectations for yourself. Don’t try and over extend yourself if you know you are still in a fragile place. Also, set boundaries with your family and friends. Let them know you don’t want to be pressured into celebrating in ways you aren’t ready for.
Be sure to schedule time to do things you enjoy (holiday related or not). Spend time outside, do some baking, or participate in regular exercise. These activities can give your heart and mind some peace for a short time.
And lastly, find comfort in serving others. The holidays are a hard time for many, and sharing your time or talents with others can make a difficult time a little better for someone else. Serving others can help take us out of the negative mental space that grief often occupies.
However you choose to face the holidays, remember there are people out there who care for you and want to offer their support. There are also many people out there who are also grieving, and sharing grief can help lessen the burden.
Amanda is a Clinical Mental Health Counselor, specializing in individual and family therapy for people of varying backgrounds. She works for Memorial Estates, running their Grief & Loss Counseling program.
She has extensive experience working with adolescents and families in the community. Amanda received her Master’s Degree in Educational Psychology from the University of Utah. There she focused on Multicultural and Client Centered Counseling.
Amanda started her career working for Salt Lake County Youth Services, serving families from all backgrounds and with a wide variety of issues. She further developed her passion for helping people recover and heal from trauma and loss.
In counseling, Amanda values the trust and safety of the therapeutic relationship. She creates a counseling environment full of compassion, safety, empathy, and understanding. She constantly strives to help to cultivate strong relationships and assist families to cope with the loss of a loved one. Through her open attitude, and the warm environment that she facilitates, families can begin to feel peace as they work through their bereavement.
Memorial Estates, with the help of Amanda Nelsen, is committed to helping you through the loss of your loved one. You may contact Amanda at (801) 718-1520 or [email protected]
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