Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house grief counselor, Amanda Nelsen:

1. I don't know what to say around people anymore.

People are talking about entertainment and current events and their lives. I don’t know what’s been going on outside of my grief world. I want to participate in conversation, but I just can’t. But I’ll listen and hopefully one day I’ll catch up enough to join in regular conversation again.

2. People don't know what to say to me, either.

Do they talk about my deceased loved one? Do they not? Are they going to make me sad? What if they make me cry? To those who wonder – you won’t make me sad – I’m already sad.   And please – please! – bring up my loved one. I love knowing they aren’t forgotten.

3. My mind is foggy.

I had no idea grief would make me feel like I have dementia. I can’t remember if I locked my front door, let alone what time we said we’d meet for dinner. I use post-it notes and my phone to help me, but sometimes I still don’t know what’s going on. And that also might mean I forget important details about your life, too. It’s not intentional, I promise.

4. I get overwhelmed easily.

I used to love spending time with friends and family. I loved planning and helping with gatherings. But now the thought of a big social event leaves me tired. I know it might seem like I should be able to manage these things, but my mind is exhausted from grieving. People tell me this will get better, but it hasn’t yet. I may not be able to make it to your event, but it’s not because I don’t care about you.

5. Even when I am having fun, I am still grieving.

I still miss my loved one. I still wish he were here with me. I think about how much he would enjoy the activity and conversation. I think about what he would order. Or what we would talk about on the way home. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be social, but grief is my new clingy companion.

One day, perhaps a long time from now, I am sure I will re-integrate into society again. I will (hopefully) feel normal again. I will enjoy social gatherings and entertainment more fully. But for now, please be patient with me (and the social awkwardness grief brought me).

Amanda is a Clinical Mental Health Counselor, specializing in individual and family therapy for people of varying backgrounds. She works for Memorial Estates, running their Grief & Loss Counseling program.

She has extensive experience working with adolescents and families in the community. Amanda received her Master’s Degree in Educational Psychology from the University of Utah. There she focused on Multicultural and Client Centered Counseling.

Amanda started her career working for Salt Lake County Youth Services, serving families from all backgrounds and with a wide variety of issues. She further developed her passion for helping people recover and heal from trauma and loss.

In counseling, Amanda values the trust and safety of the therapeutic relationship. She creates a counseling environment full of compassion, safety, empathy, and understanding. She constantly strives to help to cultivate strong relationships and assist families to cope with the loss of a loved one. Through her open attitude, and the warm environment that she facilitates, families can begin to feel peace as they work through their bereavement.

Memorial Utah, with the help of Amanda Nelsen, is committed to helping you through the loss of your loved one. You may contact Amanda at (801) 718-1520 or [email protected]

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